Do you want your house to smell like Canadian Bacon mixed with failure, or baby oil mixed with failure? Easy choice. Plus, Rowsdower brings with him a sidekick and a gaggle of BDSM cultists to liven up your evening. What has Mitchell ever done like that?

Rowsdower wouldn't bust me for weed.

He won't arrest you for smoking weeeeed!

Denim, mullet, beer and a sidekick . Yeah this guy was built to save us all and the world!

They are both unappealing, but I grew up in rural Maine in the woods, so I could deal with his rural Canadianness, and I would be up for map finding-behinding and a beer on the sun with Rowsdower.

Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world. Mitchell just drinks, boinks, and yells at kids.

I couldn't afford to feed Mitchel.

It took him years, but he saved us and saved all the world. All while in a contestant beer haze. Mitchell can barely stop one drug kingpin while in a constant beer haze.

Mitchell's a narc and i smoke pot. I dont feel like Rowsdower would judge me to hard on acount of his past in a cult and he would probably be a nicer host.

We only have to deal with Rowsdower once. I would fear dealing with Joe Don morphing from Mitchell to Final Justice in my house. The sacrifice would be too great! 😂

Kick back a few brews, beat up some evil cultists, talk about our boy Csonka, who could ask for more?

Rowsdower brings his own beer. And being Canadian, he's naturally more fun in the snow.

Rowsdower's rough around the edges, but at least he'd try to do right by the kids. Mitchell would show up with a cheap hooker and scream obscenities at the kids in the room

Mitchell would eat all your food, do unspeakable things to your toilet, and then haul the entire family down to the station on Christmas morning for some minor infraction he noticed while snooping around the house for more gravy. All except for grandma... grandma has to walk. Bite me, Mitchell.

I can barely say the name "Rowsdower" without giggling. He brings mirth like Santa Claus, even if he smells like stale cigarettes and flat beer rather than sugarplums and roasted chestnuts.

Rowsdower may have a conflicted past, but he ends up doing the right thing. Mitchell is a scumbag. The festive beeramid we would construct brings tears to the eyes!

Does Mitchell rock a totally awesome jean jacket like Rowsder? Nay!

Say what you can, at least he isn't Joe Don Baker.

I want to find out if there’s beer on the sun. Rowsdower will get me there.

I honestly couldn't decide. It just came down to the fact that it's more fun to say "Rowsdower"

He's the GOAT

Have a drink on me tattoo

We're gonna need a lot more beer...

Cool jean jacket - I wonder if wears the full Canadian Tuxedo?

Because he asks the hard hiring questions like... "I wonder if there's beer in the Sun."

Sure, he may drink all my beer, but at least he won't bust me for smoking grass.

Beer!

Because Mitchell just oozes unpleasantness..

I wanna know if there's beer on the sun.

Canada's man of action. Their own Chuck Norris.

Because of Mitchell's overbearing anti weed policy.

we could go to the sun and drink beer together......

Because Rowsdower, Rowsdower, Bibbity Bobbity Bowsdower...

I would spend the whole day singing "Rowsdower Rowsdower" to him

Could discuss beer on the sun

I practically know Rowsdower's theme by heart! And fondly at that!

I have no issues with back bacon whatsoever.

He won't leave your bead smelling of baby oil and regret.

Zap seems like he can hold his liquor. If I had to host an alcoholic, I'm not picking the sloppy drunk who has a gun lol

He'd be outside most of the time smoking, so it'd be like he's not even over.

I mean....it's Rowsdower!

He'll get us that beer on the sun.

At least he TRIES.

Zap may be an out of shape, gruff old ass, but he's not as prone to violence without provocation as Mitchell. I feel like we could all just sit around drinking Crown Royal and have a good time. Mitchell would start a fight.

I mean, once you hear about baby oil Mitchell... Ugh... Yeah Ros has my vote

Excuse me...I’m Canadian!

I have enough beer.

Maaan, I basically AM Rowsdower.

Rowsdower will only drink my beer and pass out. Mitchell will shoot me.

Rowsdower may not be cultured, but he's quiet and seems like he might bathe. You can practically smell Mitchell through the screen...

The mullet.

We could talk about beer on the sun!

Food!

Because i want him to drink something other than beer!!!

My family and I LOVE this man!

He’s lumpy, but he’s a nice guy. Mitchell’s too sleazy for me.

Cult stories > cop stories